Managing Emotional And Physical Space In A Relationship

Managing Space In Relationships

All intimate relationships must navigate the continuum of both together/apart and mine/yours/ours. Many of us may have made great love choices, yet haven't come to a happy arrangement with problem-solving abilities.

The "relationship rhythm range" of time alone and time as one that mesh with yours—two things that are necessary to resolve emotional and physical space issues. Here is a guide to help you understand and improve how you and your partner can deal with these on-going responsibilities.

Emotional Space Issues

Time together is space together. When you fall in love, you tend to spend the beginning of your relationship doing many shared activities. As you ease into the everyday romance of love, you tend to spend less of your time jointly.

With the demands of careers, family, interests and social obligations. these might keep you apart longer than you wanted or expected. If one of you is unhappy with these "relationship rhythms.

Try These Steps :

1.) Hold up an imaginary mirror and imagine you are looking into it.

* Now think first about how you would like your partner to speak to you and the tone would you like to use.

* Be ready to use, the "Ask and Tell" technique. If you tell your partner what's bothering you, as well as, ask when you sense something is wrong with him or her. Then you'll shorten the length of your unhappiness time.

* Now tell or ask your partner about the issue-and be sure to use the kind of words and tone you imagined in step one.

2.) Give a number. Signal your partner the degree of seriousness of your discontent by supplying a number from one to ten, with ten the highest.

• Describe your feelings with adjectives about only yourself. ( I feel lonely, left out, bored, disconnected, resentful, jealous, forgotten, etc.)

  

Take an "educated guess" as to why you feel this way. Dig back into your family life when you were a child and find out what's your "hot buttons".

• You might find, for instance, that you are not so comfortable spending lots of time together with your partner because the turmoil in your early family life, made you feel like hiding out in your bedroom. Retreating became your "emotional default drive."

• Or, perhaps old problems from a previous relationship-gone-wrong are getting activated. You might discover that you hate staying home on weekend nights ever since you and your previous partner always fought about not going out.

  

3.) Turn that imaginary mirror, so it faces your partner. Imagine what your partner would say are the reasons for the two of you being too much apart or together lately. Jot down some ideas from his or her point of view.


Think about your partner's "hot buttons" and "emotional default drives." Talk out loud to your partner what you think is his or her explanation.

• Pretend, you are actually your partner speaking. ( I've been very pre-occupied lately with work, I'm just under a lot of stress andI didn't want to bother you. At night I'm so exhausted and feel so shaky that I just don't feel like making love, etc. ) You probably feel burned out with it. Thanks, yourself for listening!

4.) Ask your partner to take your viewpoint. Speak as though he or she were you. Now see what solutions you two can design.

* You might plan a "date" night together. Or, you might each want to take a "girls/boys night out."

5.) Sit down with a calendar. Chart upcoming events, holidays, obligations and stress points. Talk out what's on the schedule for the next one or two months.

• Mark with the letter "T" activities that can be done together. Mark with the letter "A" those that can or need to be done alone.

Step back and see what you're your "relationship rhythm range" looks like. Make changes that are mutually satisfying and repeat the above steps as often as necessary.


Physical Space Issues


The use of physical space in your home often plays out as emotional space. For instance, if you like to spend time in the extra bedroom drawing or in your bedroom watching your favorite television show. Then you are simultaneously enacting an emotional space issue of alone time.

 

 

Similarly, if you've set up your living space so that there are no private places for each of you to use. Then you've overlooked the importance of creating emotional alone time. But you can get creative in how you can use your existing space to accommodate everyone's physical space needs.

 

 

Here Are Some Tips :

 

 

1.) Each partner makes a list of the top physical spaces, he or she needs. For instance, A study room, an exercise area, aplace to practice your guitar. Now, tell your partner what you need.

• You don't have to use a room for its intended purpose. Living rooms and big dining tables are often rarely used.

2.) Each partner now makes a list of where in your home you could "squeeze in, some room for your activity.

Now make a list for your partner of where else you think he or she might "squeeze in" some room.

• Typical spaces are in bedrooms, guest rooms, basements, garages or living and dining rooms.

3.) Compare your lists. On a scale of one to ten, with ten the highest. Tell your partner how important this physical space is to you.


4.) Now make a list of what you see are the emotional obstacles. To these "squeezes" and discuss them, including tentative solutions.

•  Perhaps, for example, you are a perfectionist and you don't want a messy dining room table with your partner's work all strewn on it. One solution is to buy a decorative screen to hide the table. Or, maybe a treadmill in your bedroom drives you nuts.

 

 

5.) Ask yourself why you are being so rigid or emotional. How flexible are you and can you both "sacrifice" to make each of you happier? Where you take your partner's viewpoint, in explaining why this space is so important. Again, see what solutions you brainstorm together.

 

 

Finally, remember, healthy couples are flexible, creative problem-solvers who work to balance the needs of both.